10 Signs You’re Sick of the Holidays

10. You’ve got red and green bags under your eyes.

9. You’re serving reindeer pot pie.

8. When you hear, “Sleigh bells ring, are you listenin’?,” youscream, “NO, DAMMIT! I’M NOT LISTENING!!!”

7. You climb on your roof and start shooting carolers in the ass with your BBgun.

6. You think you hear your Christmas tree taunting you.

5. Instead of spending time with family, you’re watching some guy makephotocopies.

4. You’re busted for running through town wearing nothing but mistletoe.

3. You’ve got eggnog coming out of your ears.

2. Your standard response, “And happy holidays to you too, you bastard!”

1. Two words: tinsel rash.

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Today's Jokes

Maria is a devout Catholic. She gets married and has 17 children. Thenher husband dies. She remarries two weeks later, and has 22 children byher next husband. Then he dies. A while later, she dies.
At the funeral, the priest looks skyward and says, “At least they’refinally together.” A guy sitting in the front row says, “Excuse mefather, but you mean her and her first husband, or her and her secondhusband?”
The priest says, “I mean her legs.”